Saturday, April 11, 2009

FFC: April Fool

“Day after day… alone on a hill… the man with foolish grin is keeping perfectly still…”

As he sat on the hillside, he hummed, picturing himself the subject of someone else’s lyrics. He vowed that this would be the last time he claimed the song as his own. This wasn’t where his life was meant to take him but he’d decided to make the best of it, however he chose to define what that best could be. He’d had much grander dreams for himself, but there were always unseen forces working against him. Life, it seems, didn’t intend to cause him harm, but something far worse… to render him insignificant.

He’d first heard the song playing at a party he wasn’t quite invited to attend. It was an oversight, of course, but he’d never walk across the street and risk having to face the potential of his conclusion being wrong. So he sat, ironically enough, on this very hillside watching the people and listening to the music as it wafted his way. He didn’t aspire to be the fool on the hill, but the lyrics searched for him and attached themselves to him. So he sat there absorbing them, allowing them to permeate the depths of his soul until he realized that he’d always been the one they described.

Looking back on his life, he seemed forever in the shadow of those around him. His brother was the all-star quarterback, his sister was a walking example of a variety of unpronounceable psychoses, and he was... well, he just wasn’t very remarkable. After awhile, he’d grown accustomed to his relative invisibility. He pondered what it meant to be the fool in everybody else’s eyes, if not his own. He saw the details they were too busy to notice. He felt the undercurrents they didn’t recognize. In his younger days, he tried to tell them and show them what they were missing. He couldn’t tell whether he was ignored or merely unnoticed, but he began to understand that his words fell short of being important to anyone but him.

It was then that he decided to challenge his apparent destiny and refuse to accept the insignificance that fate had foisted upon him. He began listening more intently, observing more acutely, and planning more specifically. In the waning light of the cool autumn day, he walked the path that had become so familiar, to the hill where he’d first heard his song. The party had long ago ended without anyone ever noticing him. As he crossed the distance that he couldn't before, the leaves crunching beneath his feet made the only music now. He made the pretense of pulling out an unopened pack of cigarettes even as he knew he had no intention of starting such a foolish habit. He lit a match, allowed them all to catch, and dropped the flame into the dry leaves. He felt a surge of power as he walked back toward the path and decided, perhaps, it was time for a new song to sing.

10 comments:

  1. Loved it!

    Although I overly identified with the main character, so the ending made me jump with surprise.

    And my favourite part was the line that revealed my personal fear, "Life, it seems, didn’t intend to cause him harm, but something far worse… to render him insignificant."

    Bravo! :>

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  2. Overall, a good piece...I think I'd like to know the character a bit better - what bothers me is that he seems to be seeking power and recognition, yet no one sees him set the fire and the outcome is unknown. What does he gain from this besides this momentary thrill?

    You have a couple of great lines - "Life, it seems, didn’t intend to cause him harm, but something far worse… to render him insignificant." and "He couldn’t tell whether he was ignored or merely unnoticed, but he began to understand that his words fell short of being important to anyone but him."

    A minor comment - 2nd paragraph "however, he chose to define what that best could be" - this part is a bit awkward and I think the sentence is stronger without it.

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  3. Most of the stories this month were about unknowing fools, and I like that this is about a fool that is aware of others' opinions of him.

    The other commenters noted my favorite lines, and I also got tripped up on: "...however he chose to define what that best could be." The word play is something I like to do, but I think it causes confusion.

    Nice work!

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  4. I liked your use of "The Fool on the Hill" as your entree to our topic. The phrase "he began to understand that his words fell short of being important to anyone but him" gave me chills, because it seemed so depressingly hopeless. I think the tension dissipated after that however, as I expected his heightened resolve to reach a thrilling climax, but he only dropped a burning pack of matches in some dry leaves. I didn't sense a fist pump there. He just went home. On the whole, I liked the story, but I do feel the ending could have had more Punch!

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  5. Wow.. You really do have some GREAT lines in here. Like the others, my favorite is "Life, it seems, didn’t intend to cause him harm, but something far worse… to render him insignificant."

    I don't know if it is what I brought to the piece as a reader.. or if the writing made me feel it.. but I didn't get the sense that he was going to become destructive. I felt more like throughout the piece he was becoming stronger and more determined to make an impression.. but I felt it would be a positive impression.. not a negative one.

    Starting the fire really threw me for a loop. Perhaps it was because I was relating to him.. up until he turned.

    Overall.. I loved this piece. You did a fantastic job.

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  6. Wow - thanks so much everybody. Given that this was my first offering as part of the group, I wasn't sure how it'd be received (especially after my very creative daughter gave it a review of "eh.. it's okay"). I agree with the comments on "however he chose to define.." part. I think I was struggling to make sure I had enough words and those weren't necessary. Everybody else's favorite line was my favorite too. :-) Thanks again everybody!

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  7. It's weird, but as I was reading I highlighted and copied the very line that EVERYONE says was their favorite. I'm going to paste it right here just because I can:

    "Life, it seems, didn’t intend to cause him harm, but something far worse… to render him insignificant."

    You'll be missing a huge opportunity if you don't make that the FIRST line of a much longer work and just let it all flow out from there. Seriously, I'm tempted to steal that line myself, but I won't...:)

    I also did a double-take on the last paragraph when he set the fire. That was totally unexpected.

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  8. Terry - please take the line and run with it! Writing is not my first passion but every now and then, a gem finds its way into the . Editing is where my real skills kick in. :-)

    Thanks again everybody for such encouraging comments.

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  9. Apparently, my editing skills didn't kick in for my own comment... LOL

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  10. Wait. What? The man is an arsonist? That's his solution?! Gah. What's scary is that I fear this is all too possible.

    The build-up was nicely executed. I was almost uncomfortable at the revelatory aspects of this character study it was so believable. And yeah, his sister isn't the only nutty one in that family.

    I'm so pleased you're with us! I can't wait to see your next piece.

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